I haven't posted on this blog in forever and have been missing it! I loved using it as an outlet and way of documenting my life and for the past 6 months I haven't done anything here. It's time to catch up :)

To be honest it has been a rough past year and I have spent a lot of it worried, not wanting to get my hopes up and thus not wanting to write down all of my experiences, feelings, etc.

My miscarriage last spring was one of the worst things I have ever been through and it tore me apart like nothing else in my life ever had. To my surprise, I found myself with a faint positive pregnancy test on Jack's 3rd birthday, only about a month or so after my miscarriage was complete. Normally I would have been absolutely thrilled but after everything I had just experienced, I was completely terrified. For almost 2 months I had been focused on growing a little baby which I lost, and now I was starting right back at the beginning. It was a very tough first trimester. I had a few experiences (including spotting and finding out I had low progesterone once again), where I was convinced I was miscarrying again. I was a MESS and was absolutely depressed, didn't want to get out of bed, was afraid everything I was doing would hurt the baby, etc. I didn't want to tell anyone or buy maternity clothes or anything and it was so hard! I also had way worse morning sickness than I did with Jack and was throwing up every day. It was the longest first trimester EVER and altogether in 2020 I spent over 20 weeks in the first trimester. Not fun.

First ultrasound + sweetest little heartbeat

But eventually I hit that 12 week mark and was so, so thrilled about it. We waited a few more weeks and got a few more ultrasounds just to make sure everything was looking okay and then we told our families and everyone (even though I was still completely scared and unsure). 

We were also able to go to an elective ultrasound place around 14 weeks and find out that we were having another little boy!!! I was convinced it was a girl bc my symptoms were different and my sickness was so much worse than with Jack but I was wrong! We weren't disappointed though and now it just feels so right and meant-to-be for him to be another boy :) I am SO excited.

The rest of the pregnancy has honestly felt soooooooo long and difficult (morning sickness lasted all the way past 23 weeks, lots of rib pain, etc) but has been wonderful because baby boy has been doing great and we haven't had any actual complications. So even though it has felt like emotional and physical torture at times, I truly can't complain.

I am now sitting between 37 and 38 weeks and have our c-section scheduled for Feb 23 in about a week and a half. 12 days has never felt so long, haha. I just want to meet my baby boy!!!!!!!!

Jack is SO excited to be a big brother. I love this age with him because I think he is actually able to understand!

-Taking care of an active toddler while pregnant has made me experience a level of exhaustion I never knew existed. 

-With my pregnancy with Jack I avoided caffeine and deli meat. I definitely have not done that this time around. 

-I would not be alive without tums. 

-I am SO EXCITED to see Jack as a big brother. He talks about baby brother every single day and I just love him so freaking much.

-Some women are "all belly" when they're pregnant and I have come to the conclusion that that definitely is not me. The weight gain is EVERYWHERE. 

-Cravings:

-Weight gain

Anyways, I am excited to start posting here more and I am SO excited for my little family to grow. I love this little baby boy so much already!!! Wish us luck!