Hi everyone!! Sick of all the bump pictures yet?? Well don't worry, there (hopefully) won't be too many more!
The last few weeks have gotten ROUGH. I have experienced a whole new kind of uncomfortable that I never knew even existed before! Walking, driving, sleeping, everything has suddenly been super uncomfortable! This sweet little guy has DEFINITELY gotten bigger and is running out of room there!!
He is head down and feels like he is super, super low! His little bum is up by my ribs and sometimes when he changes sides, my whole tummy looks so lop-sided and weird! Every now and then his little foot will kick me right in the ribs and it KILLS. His kicks have become a lot different over the past few weeks though. Instead of quick movements, they are a lot more slow and roll-y. Sometimes he likes to scare me and be lazy and not move for a little while but usually he is super duper active and dances all around (especially when Kody is listening to rap in the car...not quite sure how I feel about my baby liking Kendrick Lamar but oh well). :)
When I am sleeping I need a ton of pillows to get comfy. I am definitely kicking myself for not buying one of those big pregnancy pillows earlier on! Totally would have made things easier.
I keep hearing about the whole "nesting" feeling that people say kicks in during the last few weeks of pregnancy and I honestly do not feel it at all yet. I have NO desire to clean/organize the house at all. I feel so tired constantly and just want to be as lazy as possible. Crossing my fingers it kicks in soon though!
At my 32 week appointment little dude was measuring over six pounds (the average at that point is only about 4 lbs!). Although ultrasounds aren't always accurate, the doctors are expecting him to be a BIG baby! I was almost 10 lbs when I was born and I think Kody was a pretty good-sized baby too so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. At my appointment this week I was 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. She even said she could feel his head (TMI? Maybe? Not sure). I don't really know what that all means but the doctor says it's good and because he is so big, I shouldn't go past my due date, if even make it that far. It is all good news but I have all of a sudden become so scared! I have been anticipating this for the last 8 months but now that it is almost here, I can't help but feel like I am not ready! Like, some days it really hits me how soon this could all happen and I freak out just a little bit.
How is my body going to deliver this baby?? How bad will it hurt? How long will it take? What if I can't do it? How long will it take my mom to get here? I am the biggest baby ever when it comes to pain! HOW am I going to do this??
How am I going to take care of a newborn?? What if there is something wrong with him? How do I swaddle him? How do I breastfeed? What if he gets sick? What if we don't have all the stuff we need? How will take care of a baby with my mom + family so far away? What if I get depressed? What if I am not a good mom?!?
Yes, we have taken classes and read books and watched about a million videos but I still feel like I will never be 100% ready!
But then, during those small moments when I am feeling emotionally-normal, I realize how truly, ridiculously excited, happy and grateful I am.
I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I remember being 12 and being weirdly sad that I would have to wait for so long to have my own babies. I know for a FACT that this is what I am meant to do and be. I know it will probably be one of the hardest things I have ever done but I can't wait to get to go to the hospital and have my baby! I can't wait to see what he will look like. Since September he has been growing inside of me and I have wanted to see him and hold him for real for so long! I CANNOT WAIT to see Kody be a dad! I can't wait to see my parents and our families meet him. I can't wait to change his poopy diapers, to feed him in the middle of the night, to take him on walks, to take pictures of him, to rock him in his rocking chair, to snuggle him at night, to give him baths and to watch him grow.
So, all-in-all I have pretty mixed emotions at times but overall I am very excited and very, very happy. It is a really good thing I have Kody. He is soooo the opposite of me emotionally and it works out so well. I think if I were married to someone like me, we would literally lose our minds. He is so good at reminding me that everything will be okay and that this is a happy, happy thing. He is so excited about it and I LOVE seeing him be excited. Dad-Kody is the CUTEST.
Besides, this baby is coming out one way or another eventually so I guess we will just have to deal with it! ;)
, by Ivy Van Dusen