Our little man is already a two month old! I can't believe it!

Not going to lie, I have enjoyed the second month way more than the first! I felt so out of it the first week after Jack was born (honestly don't remember it much at all) and I was dealing with post-partum anxiety (never even knew that was a thing before but let me tell you, it's the worst) and I was just totally not myself! It was so rough. This second month I have finally been able to feel normal and enjoy my baby! Kody and I both got cold sores this past month and that definitely made the anxiety come back (thanks, Dr.Google). But other than that things have been so much better. It has been so fun!

Jack is starting to show off his cute little personality and it is adorable! He smiles/laughs whenever me or Kody talks to him. He is so wiggly and is constantly kicking his legs and swinging his little arms around. We got him a little play mat and he loves to lay on it and look up at all the little hanging toys that are on it. He is super good at holding his head up and when we stand him up, he can even put weight on his legs for a while.
At his two month appointment, Jack was in the 99th percentile for weight (15.7 lbs), height and  head circumference. He is off the charts! The doctor used the word "amazing" to describe him over and over and assured us that it is totally fine that he is so big. He is healthy and that's all we care about :) He is in 3-6 month clothes and even those are starting to get a little snug! :/ I am wondering how much money we should be spending on his clothes because he grows out of them SO FAST!

He also got his two-month shots and took it like a champ! He cried REALLY hard for about 30 seconds after but then calmed right down and seemed to forget all about it!

Remember how I said that nursing was super hard? Well, it never really got easier. In fact, it got a lot harder. Jack would get super frustrated every time I tried to nurse and so would I. I was constantly SO SORE and didn't feel like my big baby was ever getting enough. I met with a lactation consultant who told me I was doing everything right and told me to keep trying for about two more weeks. I kept going but it didn't end up getting any better so we decided to start formula feeding. Jack seems so much happier now and so am I! I could probably write a whole post on the whole nursing-experience because it was HARD but basically I feel a lot better since switching to formula. Jack got a good start with breast milk and now the formula is doing a good job of feeding him, Letting go of the "mom-guilt" I've felt for stopping nursing after only about 8 weeks has been hard but it is what it is.

During this last month Jack went on two airplane rides, 2 12-hour road trips, moved to a new apartment, got shots, went on a week-long trip to a lake house and took a few boat rides and was so good the whole time! We are SO LUCKY that he has been so good and easy to take places. He only ever cries when he is hungry or tired. Other than that he is either eating, playing or sleeping contently. LOVE HIM SO MUCH :)

Being a mom has already been the biggest growing experience of my entire life. Learning how to have faith and let things go has literally been the hardest thing I have ever done. It has been so hard for me to stop staring at him constantly at night and go to sleep, to not over-analyze and over-google every single cough, sneeze, poop, rash, etc., and to not shove people away when they get too close to him. Being a first-time-mom is so hard! Everything is so new and you suddenly have to take care of a vulnerable, tiny little person 24/7. Like I said last month, I have never said more prayers in my entire life! I am still working on "choose faith over fear" and it is a constant, conscious thing that I have to choose every day. I pray that Heavenly Father will let us KNOW if something is wrong and if not, that he will help me be able to relax and enjoy my baby.

Anyways, that's the little update for now. We love our sweet little man more than words can say!

xo

I can't believe my little baby is already a month old! We love our little Jack SO stinkin' much. He is the sweetest, cutest little guy I have ever seen. I still can't believe that he is mine! Sometimes I just look at him and cry because 1) I love him so much 2) I don't feel qualified to be mom to such a perfect little baby and I don't know how I am going to do it 3) He is so cute.

He is officially 13 lbs, in the 97th percentile for weight, 99th for head circumference and 92nd for length. He is a big, healthy boy and we are so grateful that he has continued to grow :)

He still gets confused and thinks his hands are his bottle, so when we feed him we have to move his hands away from his mouth so we can give him a bottle! Haha! It is the cutest thing. He smiles more and more every day, usually when we are looking at him and talking to him in a baby voice. It is probably my favorite thing ever!! He has the biggest brown eyes and the biggest smile. We have also caught him laughing a few times in his sleep.

Right now we are trying to figure out the whole "sleep schedule" thing and it is tricky! He is only a month old, so you can't really sleep train a whole ton at this point, but we are trying to get into more of a little routine with him. He usually wakes up around 2:30AM and then again around 5:30AM which is totally fine, except he likes to stay wide awake when he wakes up at 5:30 which can be a little exhausting for us!

I had big, big plans to breastfeed when I was pregnant. When I heard people talk about how hard it was, I was like "it can't be that hard." But now I totally get it. Right when Jack was born he latched on like a champ! I was so happy! But, my milk didn't come in for about 5 days. And being the big, 10.8 lb baby he was, he was NOT getting enough from just the colostrum and we needed to supplement with formula for those days. After that I nursed him and he still didn't seem to be getting enough. There was no way to know exactly how much he was getting. So I started pumping and just feeding him the breast milk through the bottle, and supplemented about 1-2 bottles/day of formula. That seems to be working well for us now! I feel a little bit of mom-guilt but as long as he is healthy, fed and happy (and he is getting breastmilk anyways), I am happy. Maybe with our next baby I will be better at getting the hang of exclusively breastfeeding because pumping 6-10 times a day gets pretty exhausting!

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Not going to lie, this last month has been one of the hardest of my life! It has also been the happiest. So weird how that works, haha. The first week or so after Jack was born, my hormones were all messed up and the pain killers I was on messed me up even more, so I was a huge emotional disaster! Plus I wasn't sleeping, like at all, so that didn't help. That week is kind of a blur to me right now but I just remember crying a TON. My eyes were so swollen constantly and I was just a total mess. I am so sorry if you saw me that week. I was soooo out of it. I got off the pain killers as quickly as I could (even though I was still really sore, those things were starting to freak me out) and for week 2 I was a liiiitle more put together. Although, I would have my little crying sessions every now and then. THEN came my worrying-constantly-phase (which I am still kind of in). I couldn't sleep without constantly staring at him and making sure he was still breathing. I called the pediatrician about every little thing. I spent way too much time googling possible symptoms and scaring myself to death. And spent TONS of time on the phone with my mom asking, "should I be worried? is this normal? should I take him to the doctor?" Breastfeeding, attempting to sleep-schedule, and learning to let people be around/touch him have also been extremely challenging.

Being a first-time-mom can be so hard! It is so tricky to know what is normal and what isn't. It is SO hard to know if I am doing the right things and not to second-guess every little thing. It is all so mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.

Needless to say, I have said more prayers in the last 4 weeks than in the whole rest of the 22 years I have been alive. I NEED help from my Heavenly Father more than I ever have in my life. I know He loves little Jack and that He knows what he needs. I pray that he will help me know what to do and know how to be a good mom to Jack.

However, when it is 3AM and I am worried and I am tired, I just look at this cute little face and I know it is TOTALLY and completely worth it.


xo

Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed of becoming a mother. Four days ago, my dream became a reality and my sweet little Jack was born!! It was the absolute craziest, best experience of my life.

I was getting majorly ANTSY to have the baby. Mostly because I knew he would be big and I was worried about complications happening if he stayed in very long past my due date. But also because I was CRAZY uncomfortable! My due date (Tuesday the 13th) came and went and still no baby. I had been in false labor for weeks. Painful, real-like contractions would come and I would get excited but then they'd just go away. I was planning on being induced on Monday, so I eventually just gave up on trying to get him to come on his own.

Eventually Friday (my 22nd birthday) rolled around. Me and Kody spent the day hanging out and swimming. After we came home from swimming I started to feel some strong contractions in my lower back. However, they weren't anything new so I didn't think too much of it! We planned on going to PF Changs that night so we got all ready. The contractions kept coming and Kody thought it would be good to go to the hospital and get them checked out just in case. The hospital wasn't too far from PF Changs and we had a good hour and a half until our reservation so we decided to stop there on the way! When the nurse checked me I was dilated to a 4.5 which was really exciting because I had been at a 3 for 3 weeks! Yay progress! A few hours or so later, the nurse told us that we weren't leaving and we were SO HAPPY! We were going to meet our little boy soon!

Our first family picture while I got stitched up! Look at us!! I love this. Can you tell I am a little loopy? :)

I have always heard bad things about c-sections but I am so, so, so grateful they exist and I am so grateful for modern medicine. 100 years ago, who knows what would have happened? All the doctors and nurses agree that there's no way I could have pushed out that big baby without it. I feel so strongly that it is what Jack and I both needed and I would do it all over again if I needed to.

Holding my new baby!! Don't really remember taking this picture but I'm so happy to have it. Jack's little face was so swollen!! He had had such a rough night in there!

1-day-old Jack and daddy :)

He makes the CUTEST little facial expressions all the time...so dang sweet!! I remember being in the hospital and not even being able to look at him without crying. It still happens. I am an emotional roller coaster these days!

I am so also so happy that my parents and mt little brother were able to come up later that night and for the next few days to hang out with us! They are seriously the greatest and I needed them! Jack is their first grand baby and they are so in love with him! I am so sad they had to go home but we will see them again soon :)

Grandpa holding Jack for the first time!!

Grandma and Jack

Anyways, I could probably go on and on about that day and every day since then but I won't. I am so grateful for my sweet baby boy and for my wonderful husband who was by my side and has been every second since I had Jack. The first week has been so unbelievably fun, happy, exhausting and hard all at the same time! I feel so, so, so overwhelmed and humbled by the fact that I am the mother to such a perfect, sweet, innocent little boy. It is honestly the most intimidating thing I have ever done but I am doing my best to be a good mom and know that with the help of my husband, family and my Heavenly Father, I can.

We are sooo excited to snuggle him and watch him grow :)

xo

Well, we have FINALLY made it!! I never thought that June would come! When I first found out I was pregnant, it seemed so far away but up until a few weeks ago, it seriously FLEW right by. Maybe it is because I was so busy with school+work for most of my pregnancy, but either way I am just so grateful to be at this point!

With that being said, the past few weeks (especially days) have been HARD. Since the beginning, the baby has been measuring big, so the doctors have been preparing me that he would probably end up coming earlier than my due date. At my 36, 37, and 38 week appointments I went from 2cm-3cm which was a really good sign! At 38 weeks they told us to be ready to go to the hospital at any time and that they would probably induce the next week if I didn't go into labor by then. So, we were READY! I deep cleaned the house, washed all of baby's clothes and organized his room and had family on-call and ready to come up here. Then, at my 39 week appointment the doctor (one I hadn't met with before) said I hadn't progressed any further and that they would "see what things are like next week." I tried to stop it, but I couldn't help but start crying right there! I was so disappointed!! And part of me wanted to strangle the doctor. Like, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I CAN'T DO ANOTHER 2 WEEKS OF THIS. But I didn't. Kody took me to get a diet dr. pepper and I felt a little better :)

So, here we are! Every day of not having this baby has gotten harder and harder. I can't sleep for more than 25 minutes at a time (either to pee or because my legs start cramping up), I can't eat without feeling like I am going to explode, I can't walk without getting sharp pains up my entire body and I keep having 'false labor' contractions. And honestly though, the worst part of this is the WORRY. A few weeks ago, when I was getting myself all ready to have the baby, I read online about all of the reasons you should NOT go past your due date and all of the complications that can come with having a big baby, being in labor for too long, etc, etc (Dr.Google is the worst). So now I am constantly worried about the safety of this little guy! The kick-counting is getting mentally and emotionally exhausting. I constantly think that there is something wrong and I just want him to be here safe and sound already. The other night he wasn't moving so we went to Labor and Delivery and got monitored for about an hour. He is perfectly fine (thank goodness), just big and lazy and running out of room in there. I wanted to beg the doctors at the hospital to just induce me right then and there but no luck.

So now I am walking as much as I can, bouncing on my exercise ball, drinking TONS of red raspberry leaf tea and trying to stay positive! Come on, baby boy! We want to meet you!!!!

BUT, this does give us a little more time for it to be just me and Kody for a while :) I FREAKING LOVE MY HUSBAND. Sometimes it makes me a little bit sad to think that once we have this baby, it won't be just me and him anymore! For the past 2 1/2 years we have had sooooo much fun with just each other and it will be a little weird when it isn't just the two of us! So we are trying to soak that up for the next little while :) I am so grateful to have someone so sweet, fun, and positive as my best friend and eternal companion. I would seriously have lost my mind during this pregnancy by now if it weren't for him. He is just the greatest and he is going to be the best dad.

Anyways, that's my final bump-date! Wish us lots of luck!! <3

xo

Hi everyone!! Sick of all the bump pictures yet?? Well don't worry, there (hopefully) won't be too many more!

The last few weeks have gotten ROUGH. I have experienced a whole new kind of uncomfortable that I never knew even existed before! Walking, driving, sleeping, everything has suddenly been super uncomfortable! This sweet little guy has DEFINITELY gotten bigger and is running out of room there!!

He is head down and feels like he is super, super low! His little bum is up by my ribs and sometimes when he changes sides, my whole tummy looks so lop-sided and weird! Every now and then his little foot will kick me right in the ribs and it KILLS. His kicks have become a lot different over the past few weeks though. Instead of quick movements, they are a lot more slow and roll-y. Sometimes he likes to scare me and be lazy and not move for a little while but usually he is super duper active and dances all around (especially when Kody is listening to rap in the car...not quite sure how I feel about my baby liking Kendrick Lamar but oh well). :)

When I am sleeping I need a ton of pillows to get comfy. I am definitely kicking myself for not buying one of those big pregnancy pillows earlier on! Totally would have made things easier.

I keep hearing about the whole "nesting" feeling that people say kicks in during the last few weeks of pregnancy and I honestly do not feel it at all yet. I have NO desire to clean/organize the house at all. I feel so tired constantly and just want to be as lazy as possible. Crossing my fingers it kicks in soon though!

At my 32 week appointment little dude was measuring over six pounds (the average at that point is only about 4 lbs!). Although ultrasounds aren't always accurate, the doctors are expecting him to be a BIG baby! I was almost 10 lbs when I was born and I think Kody was a pretty good-sized baby too so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. At my appointment this week I was 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. She even said she could feel his head (TMI? Maybe? Not sure). I don't really know what that all means but the doctor says it's good and because he is so big, I shouldn't go past my due date, if even make it that far. It is all good news but I have all of a sudden become so scared! I have been anticipating this for the last 8 months but now that it is almost here, I can't help but feel like I am not ready! Like, some days it really hits me how soon this could all happen and I freak out just a little bit.

How is my body going to deliver this baby?? How bad will it hurt? How long will it take? What if I can't do it? How long will it take my mom to get here? I am the biggest baby ever when it comes to pain! HOW am I going to do this??

AND THEN....

How am I going to take care of a newborn?? What if there is something wrong with him? How do I swaddle him? How do I breastfeed? What if he gets sick? What if we don't have all the stuff we need? How will take care of a baby with my mom + family so far away? What if I get depressed? What if I am not a good mom?!?

Yes, we have taken classes and read books and watched about a million videos but I still feel like I will never be 100% ready!

But then, during those small moments when I am feeling emotionally-normal, I realize how truly, ridiculously excited, happy and grateful I am.

I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I remember being 12 and being weirdly sad that I would have to wait for so long to have my own babies. I know for a FACT that this is what I am meant to do and be. I know it will probably be one of the hardest things I have ever done but I can't wait to get to go to the hospital and have my baby! I can't wait to see what he will look like. Since September he has been growing inside of me and I have wanted to see him and hold him for real for so long! I CANNOT WAIT to see Kody be a dad! I can't wait to see my parents and our families meet him. I can't wait to change his poopy diapers, to feed him in the middle of the night, to take him on walks, to take pictures of him, to rock him in his rocking chair, to snuggle him at night, to give him baths and to watch him grow.

So, all-in-all I have pretty mixed emotions at times but overall I am very excited and very, very happy. It is a really good thing I have Kody. He is soooo the opposite of me emotionally and it works out so well. I think if I were married to someone like me, we would literally lose our minds. He is so good at reminding me that everything will be okay and that this is a happy, happy thing. He is so excited about it and I LOVE seeing him be excited. Dad-Kody is the CUTEST.

Besides, this baby is coming out one way or another eventually so I guess we will just have to deal with it! ;)

xo