Does anyone else have EXTREMELY dry skin like I do?

I have struggled with it since I was a little girl! It doesn't help that I grew up in the dry, Arizona desert but it is what it is and I have been trying so many different products to help with it, especially when it comes to my face.

For the first part of last summer I was huge and pregnant.
For the second half of it I was barely post-partum and still looked pregnant.

So, needless to say I wasn't super 'in' the mode of trying to find and spend money on a cute swimsuit.

This summer I am not 100% to where I want to be weight-wise but I am way more comfortable in a bathing suit so it is time to stock up on some cute ones! My goal this year is to not spend more than $30 on each suit (it is tough, but TOTALLY do-able), and I hope to share some of my finds on here :)

Yesterday the CUTEST suit arrived in my mailbox and I am in love with it. I want the weather to get warm just so I can have an excuse to wear it!!

It is the cutest high-waisted/peplum style tankini with the prettiest pink floral print. It is awesome material and the bottoms are reversible, how cute is that?!



Oh and did I mention it was under $12?? Well guess what. It was!

It is from a China-based website called ToSave.com and it is totally legit and safe, take my word for it.

You can click HERE for this suit. It comes in so many cute patterns...I had sucha  hard time deciding and may have to go back and grab some more styles.

It's important to note that China sizing is different from U.S sizing. I am normally a size medium but I ordered up two sizes and got the XL, and it fits me perfectly.



Can't wait to wear it! :)

xo

keywords: Tosave, women, floral, bikini set

Okay, today we are going to talk about something fun- HAIR!

I have always, always believed that hair is something you should never take too seriously. I think it is a great way to express yourself and that you should have lots of fun with it!

One of the best ways to be able to do new things with your hair is by using hair extensions. They are so much FUN.

I have been using clip-in hair extensions off and on for about 3 years now. I don't wear them everyday- just whenever I want to do a fuller-look hairstyle (like a chunky braid or ponytail or something).

For a while I had been using Bellami extensions. I liked them, but they were SO DARN EXPENSIVE, it's not even funny. I wanted to find a new brand about 6 months ago but couldn't commit to ones after hearing such mixed reviews about the companies (and after looking at their prices...I did NOT want to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on things that I only wear every now and then).

Finally a few weeks ago I stumbled on Amazing Beauty Hair, a company I had never heard of but am so glad I discovered.

I got this set in the 20inch length. They were literally one-third of the price I spent on my other ones. THANK HEAVENS! I washed them once with purple/blue shampoo so that they would better match my ashy shade. Then I let them dry overnight. The next day I clipped in 4 of the pieces and curled them with my natural hair.



So far I am LOVING them. Kody thought my hair looked good but had no idea it was fake, which I am so happy about. I don't want my hair extensions ever looking obviously-fake.

They also have tape-in extensions that are more permanent. I like being able to take my clip-ins out so I didn't try those but if you are into that style, I'm sure they'd be great.

Be sure to check out AmazingBeautyHair.com to see all of the styles/colors they have!

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

xo

I feel like this post is a long time coming because I have been meaning to write about this for such a long time but haven't had the time to actually do it nor the courage to talk about my experience with postpartum anxiety/depression. I'm not sure when or if I will even post this but that's okay! Warning: it WILL be long.

Here we go!

Being a mom and a wife is ALL I have ever wanted to do. Okay not really all but you know what I mean! Being a mom has been the crowning goal of my life since I was a little girl. I loved baby dolls, I loved babysitting and I loved acting like a 'mom' (which in hindsight probably drove my own mom, and brothers nuts). I can distinctly remember being 10 or 11 or so, reading an American Girl book about growing up (ha, classic book) and being SO SAD that I had to wait YEARS until I could be a mom.

Obviously, I had tons of fun being a kid and then a teenager (and now I actually miss it) but I always looked forward to the day when I could have my very own little baby.

Needless to say, I was ECSTATIC when I got that first pregnancy test. Surprised? Uh, yes. Scared? Yes. Unprepared? Yes. But still, the most excited I had ever been about anything in my entire life (besides marrying Kody). Until the morning sickness hit, I was walking on air 24/7. I spent so much of my time praying to my Heavenly Father, THANKING Him with my entire soul that I had the opportunity to be a mom and pleading with Him to help me be a good one.

My pregnancy wasn't very hard at all- in fact it was great 90% of the time. There weren't any complications, my morning sickness eventually went away and I felt like my usual self for most of it. I was in school full-time and working a ton so I kept very busy. Towards the end I started to feel suuuuper huge and uncomfortable (which looking back makes sense considering how big Jack was) and that certainly took its toll on my body but other than that, I couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy.

The delivery was scary at times and even though I ended up having a c-section I honestly thought it went pretty smoothly. I had a healthy boy and I healed up pretty quickly.

I feel like when you think of being pregnant and having a baby, you usually think about going to the hospital and all of the magic/fear that comes with pushing out a baby (or at least I did). It is what the movies show, it is what all the baby apps and websites seem to focus on and it is what I thought about when I was planning things out. But for me, the pregnancy and the hospital experience was a breeze compared to what was next.

Nobody really talks about after the baby comes, after you leave the hospital and after your family goes back home.

I remember feeling SO excited those few days after I had Jack. I remember waking up in the morning before Kody or Jack and sitting in the hospital bed with the summer sun coming through the windows and feeling so, so happy! Things could not be more perfect. Then one night, as Kody and I were walking down the hospital halls slowing pushing Jack around the nursery, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like a huge, dark cloud appeared right over my head and I was sad. Like, really, really sad. I remember trying as hard as I could to hold back tears but I just began bawling right there in the hall in front of the security guard. I tried to explain to Kody how I was feeling but I couldn't! We went back to the room and turned on Family Feud (which I usually love, I mean- Steve Harvey!) but even that made me feel sad. It was a feeling I just couldn't shake.

The day after getting home from the hospital my mom and I went to Target just to get out of the house. I mean, there is nothing that time with your mom at Target can't help, right? My eyes were SO beyond swollen, and I was a complete disaster inside and out, but we just walked (very, very slowly because that's all I could do) and talked and I let it all out. She was so sweet and understanding and because she had been there (she's had 3 c-sections), she knew how I was feeling. I remember telling her that I just felt like there were sunglasses I had on that made EVERYTHING around me appear dark and eerie and sad and I just couldn't get them off!

I quickly tried to push those feelings aside and told myself it was just the 'baby blues' and that they'd go away as soon as I got back into my routine. 5 days after my c-section I forced myself to go walk around the track at the Provo Rec Center because I wanted to get back into shape as soon as possible (*eyeroll*). It literally took me over an hour to get around the track ONCE and I was hurting but I just thought it was so important to pretend like I was fine.

Comparing yourself to others on social media seriously is the stupidest thing you can do, but it is even more stupid when you've just had a baby. I wish I hadn't looked at Instagram for at least a good 2 months after having Jack. I remember looking at all of these happy, young couples we knew that were so 'in love' and I started freaking out that Kody and I would never be cute and flirty and spontaneous like that again (*another eyeroll*). I saw one blogger who had a baby a few days before me and was on a beach vacation in a string bikini literally one week after having a baby. I started planning a romantic getaways for Kody and I in my head and tried to wear my old jeans and look hot and do everything that I thought would help me feel as though I didn't just have my body cut wide open.

Let's just say that all of this comparing and pretending-like-everything-is-fine did NOT help things.

I also felt unbelievably worried about everything (which I later learned was a taste of 'anxiety' which I wish I still I could still be clueless about because it is awful) and I mean every. possible. thing. Especially when it came to Jack. I think this was honestly the hardest part about that period in my life. I found it so unbelievably difficult to relax. When we would go on walks I would get so, so afraid that a bee was going to sting Jack and it made me so angry...(I literally remember wanting to punch one particular bee that wouldn't leave us alone. Like, what?). I also remember not being able to sleep because I thought (for no real, logical reason) that Jack's bassinet might break and fall over. It was so unnecessary but in my mind it was such a real fear for some reason! I hated taking him outside because I didn't want him to get sunburned or overheated. I hated going out in public and seeing little kids because I was convinced that every single little kid I saw was going to get him seriously sick.(I definitely got over this and like little kids again, don't worry :) ). I could honestly go on and on and list all of my worries but I'll stop there. I was an emotional wreck and I felt like I had to be on red-alert 24/7. I panicked and felt like a bad mom whenever Jack cried because I felt like he needed/wanted something from me and I was neglecting him or something. It was so hard!

I had everything, EVERYTHING I could ever want in life. A sweet, healthy baby, a supportive family and the sweetest, most caring husband in the entire world. I felt like this was supposed to be the best, happiest time in my life and I felt so guilty for not feeling happy all the time. It was a feeling that I wouldn't wish on my very worst enemy. Obviously it was 100% worth getting to be a mom to Jack and I would gladly do it again if I had to but....ya, it sucked.

Anyways, I don't really know what the point of this post was other than to just document it and let other new moms and moms-to-be know that it DOES GET BETTER. People told me that in the beginning and I didn't believe them for one second. But it really, really does. You get the hang of it and you start to see things again as they really are. Here are a few things that really helped me during this time:

-Going places. Everyday when I needed to get out of the house (I get so stir-crazy when I am stuck at home for too long) we'd go to Sodalicious for a Dr.Pepper and then to the car wash. It is CRAZY how much those little trips helped me out! Sometimes I needed to get out again later and we would go to the car wash again (we had a membership). Let's just say our car was VERY clean this past summer.

-Getting outside. I was very blessed to have a June baby in Utah which meant the weather in the evenings was perfect for going on walks. When Kody came home we would put Jack in his stroller and walk to a cute little park a few blocks from our apartment. Once we got to the park we would just sit and people-watch, enjoy the weather and talk. It was so nice of Kody to just sit with me, talk with me and sometmes just listen to me try and explain how I was feeling (if you were in Provo and saw me walking around super slowly and crying, I apologize :) ).

-Staying off the internet. It is a hard thing to do in our day and age but when I was on my phone googling things that worried me and looking at models + 'perfect' bloggers on Instagram I was SO MUCH more miserable than when I wasn't looking at my phone. This advice is honestly probably great for anyone, new-mom or not. It can really make things more difficult than they need to be sometimes.

-Ask for help. I haaaaaaate asking people for help. Hate. It. But at this time in my life, I really, really needed it and I had to put aside my pride and ask for it. I had a couple of sweet girls bring us dinner and it was so helpful and nice not to have to worry about making anything. I also called my mom about a million times and asked her for help, advice, humor, anything to help me feel better. At my 6 week post-partum appointment my doctor asked if I was feeling fine. I was so close to giving my usual 'nope, it's all good!' line, but instead I decided to tell him that I actually was having a hard time and was feeling way more on-edge and down than I remembered feeling before. To my surprise (and relief) he didn't think it was that huge and life-altering of a deal like I did. He assured me that post-partum depression is very common and that there WERE things I could do about it. He put me on a super teeny dose of anti-anxiety medicine (which honestly totally freaked me out at first. i didn't like the idea of being 'on' anything. BUT it totally helped me feel more like myself and enjoy my newborn a lot more. And I was able to go off of within just a few months) and prescribed me exercise and daily me-time! I followed his suggestions and. I truly think that doctors (usually) can be huge blessings from God and I am so grateful I had a good one.

It's also okay if you don't breastfeed for very long or even if you never do. It's okay if your body doesn't 'bounce back' to what it once was within a month, or two months, or six months or EVER. It's okay to talk to your husband, your mom, your doctor, anyone you are close to for help. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's okay if your baby cries. It's okay if you cry! It is okay to feel like you don't know what you're doing. It's okay to

I could go on and on but you get the point.

ALL that matters is that you and your baby are happy and healthy. That's it! Focus on that before you worry about anything else. 

Anyways, I think this concludes my novel! If anyone actually gets this far in my post than you deserve a big pat on the back! AND if you are going through this and need any extra support, give me a holler because I would love to help.

Hope you all have a happy rest of your Monday :)

xo

Tomorrow morning when Jack wakes up he will be an 8 month old!

Have I mentioned how much I love him? ;) Or how sad/happy I am to see him growing up so fast? Or how exhausted I am? Or how cute he is? Or how great of a dad Kody is?

I feel like I could write DAILY about those things ^^^

But today I am going to switch it up a little bit and talk about how I have changed since that sunny, warm June morning when I became a mom.

Last night as I was rocking Jack to sleep, instead of thinking about how much he has changed like I usually do, I thought about how I have changed in the last 8 months. Nothing in my entire life has changed me more than becoming a mother has. So many aspects of myself and my personality have done a 360 and it was so interesting to stop and look back at the specific changes I (and Kody) have noticed about myself...

More patient- You pretty much don't have a choice to be patient or not when you have a baby- you are just kind of forced into being good at it! Not only do I feel like I have gotten more patient with Jack and his neediness + unpredictability but with pretty much everything in my life- my husband, bad drivers, long lines at the grocery store, and even myself. Instead of looking in the mirror at the end of the day and being disappointed that I still am not all the way back to my pre-baby weight or angry about my stretch marks, I am (usually) a little bit nicer to myself. I would never, ever in a million years want my child to think angry thoughts like that about themselves, so it is way easier to stop being that way about myself.

More feeling for others- This one has been especially hard for me. Before I was a mom and something sad would happen to someone (death, suicide, sickness, addictions, etc) I thought it was sad but was able to shake it off and move on with my life. I don't know what it is about being a mom that has changed this but I feel like now I feel the pain of others 10000x more than I used to. Especially the pain of other parents.

Yesterday when I saw the faces of the innocent kids killed in the school shooting in Florida on the news, I almost couldn't handle it. A few days ago when I found out a sweet little girl, whose cancer journey I had been following along with, had passed away, I had to take a break from being with Kody and Jack and I had to just go in my bathroom and cry for a while. It is like those kinds of things affect me so much now that it is almost like it physically hurts.

The homeless drug addicts on the streets downtown, the high school kids who were brutally murdered at their school, the lady with her head shaved who is battling through chemo are all somebody's little baby. Somebody's Jack. To think that someone felt the way I do about Jack and then had to sit by and watch as they go through all of these things is almost unbearable.

I thought this was a bad thing, until I talked to my parents about it last week and they convinced me that even though it is hard, it can be a good quality to have. My patriarchal blessing touches on this kind of stuff and I know in my heart that Heavenly Father has me feel this way so that I will be more inclined and better able to help people and understand them a teeny bit more.

More understanding- I guess this could tie into the previous two but I have found myself feeling MUCH more tolerant and understanding towards the actions, lifestyles, beliefs and feelings of other people. Again, I think to myself 'everyone is someone's Jack'. Everyone is loved. Everyone has infinite possibility and potential and I strongly, strongly believe that about 99% of people are genuinely good and have good intentions. Everybody is really searching for happiness even though we all have our own methods of getting there. I don't get so frustrated when somebody talks bad about my religion or my political opinions or my stay-at-home-mom lifestyle. Instead, I am a little more able to see people as they really are which is good.

More cautious- While I feel more understanding towards people, I become a. The idea of a 'mama bear' is a totally real thing! I will defend my baby with my whole entire LIFE. I am so much more careful when I drive, I try very hard to keep the apartment baby-proofed, I have tried to learn baby CPR, turned my Instagram to private, and I am VERY cautious of any weirdos or 'stranger-dangers' being near Jack. It can definitely become a bad thing when I get paranoid about things, BUT I think it is usually a good thing!

More efficient- When you are single (it is my opinion) that you have 100% of your time, energy, money, work, etc to yourself. When you get married it becomes around 50% and when you have a baby it gets to about 25%. I would imagine it keeps being divided more and more with every child you have and as you go along you have to learn to be more efficient with all of your time and energy. Kody and I used to go to the gym every single day for 2 hours. Now I have maybe half that to get a workout in so I work extra hard. I have learned to run on just a few hours of sleep and still be semi-productive the next day. I have been better at making dinner from what we have at home instead of going out and spending lots of money. A total challenge, but definitely a good skill to have in my opinion!

Overall, (despite the mom-guilt and feeling like I am not ever good enough and alllll that) I strongly believe that being a mother has actually made me a much better person than I was before. I thank God (and Jack) every single day for giving me this opportunity to constantly stretch and grow in so many ways.