Ivy Van Dusen

Our second little boy, Miles, was born about two weeks ago on Feb 23rd, 2021 and it was one of the most magical, very best days of my entire life! I wish I could re-live it over and over again and I wanted to write down as much of that day as possible!

With Jack I waited until my body went into labor at 41 weeks, was in labor for about 15 hours and then had an emergency c-section. With Miles I had a planned c-section at 39 weeks this time and the whole thing was completely different! So much more calm and relaxed.

That morning I woke up around 5, drank a pre-surgery drink the hospital told me to have, and Kody and I hopped in the car and drove to the hospital! On the way there Miles was moving around and kicking me like crazy and it was so weird to think that in just a couple of hours he’d be out and in the world!

We got to the hospital, they took our temps and then let us into the labor and delivery area. I was put in a pre-op room where they had me put on a hospital gown, checked on baby, gave me an IV + fluids, drew blood, had us sign some stuff etc. We were in there for 2 hours getting ready and Kody was making all kinds of jokes to help pass the time and keep me calm. I am so, so grateful I had him by my side! He is my rock and always knows how to help me feel calm & happy and I just love that man so much.

On our way out the door to the hospital!

Hanging out in pre-op & my last bump pic! I told Kody I look like a sausage in this pic haha!

Eventually my dr came in to say hi and walked me through what was going to happen. I was so nervous! With Jack I had no idea I was going to have a c-section until about 3 minutes before they cut me open so I didn’t really have a chance to worry much about what they were going to do but this time I had like 9 months to think about it and it was finally time to actually do it! But I was also very calm and said a little prayer asking for the nurses and doctors to do a good job, for Heavenly Father to be in the operating room with us and above all for my baby to get out healthy and safe.

They gave Kody some surgical clothes to wear and then we walked to the section of the hospital with different operating rooms. They told Kody to sit outside and then have me a mask and a hair cover and I went in with the nurse.

Walking into an OR, seeing 10+ people walking around laying out different tools and things and knowing you are the one they are going to be operating on is an interesting experience for sure! When I first walked in it made me nervous because it was definitely not a warm, welcoming room- it honestly looked like something from some kind of horror movie lol. But the nurses and doctors were all so nice and calming that it quickly became a nice place :)

They had me sit up on the table and the anesthesiologist told me to bend forward while he did the spinal tap. My OB was awesome and rubbed my shoulders & let me literally lean on him while it was being put in. Definitely didn’t feel pleasant at first! Just like you’d imagine a sharp needle in your spine would feel. Then it started feeling super weird...almost like something was being drilled into my back? I don’t know but quickly I started losing all feeling in my legs and lower half. They laid me on the table and brought over some super warm blankets to lay on my arms and it felt so nice. Then they let Kody in the room and he came and sat in a chair right by my head and I was so happy to see him!

I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t feel anything when they cut me open (like last time) but the nurse assured me they’d test it and make sure I was numb before actually going in. They told me they were going to scrub my tummy area and get me all ready and I just laid there and talked with Kody and some of the nurses for a little bit. A few moments later the nurse told me that they were starting the surgery and they had already poked me with something “super sharp” and that that proved I was totally numb. That made me feel better and I was so excited to meet my baby!!

For about 10 or 20 minutes or so they worked on cutting me open and I could feel things and knew they were cutting me open but I couldn’t feel any pain if that makes sense. It was the craziest sensation! At one point they were talking about how they were cutting through my abs and it was taking awhile and complimented me by saying I had “abs of steel” haha, I don’t know if that’s true but I’ll take it! Eventually I started feeling a bunch of pressure on my chest and they told me that meant that baby was almost out! He was stuck a little bit under my right rib but eventually I heard them all start “aww”-ing and talking about baby’s chunky cheeks and before I knew it, at 8:54am Miles was officially out! They let me have the option of choosing a clear drape so that my doctor was able to pull him out and show him to me right away! He was reaching towards me right away and It was the COOLEST thing and I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. My sweet little baby was here and I was so happy!

About a year ago I got pregnant and ended up miscarrying, then I got pregnant with Miles right away after that and honestly this whole past year has just felt like such a long, hard journey. I was so happy to be done being pregnant and to finally have my sweet, perfect rainbow baby boy right in front of me!

They cleaned him up and I watched while Kody walked over to the scale with the nurses and was able to cut the umbilical cord. 8lbs 14oz and 21 3/4in. long. I was just so happy to watch it all! Then they brought him over and put him right by my face and let me kiss his little head. He was crying and was just perfect, perfect, perfect.

They started to stitch me up and let Kody take Miles to the recovery room to wait for me. My doctor asked me questions about how Kody and I met, college, how I hate the cold, etc. just to keep my mind relaxed while they cleaned out my uterus and stapled, stitched and glued me back together.

Miles & Daddy waiting in the recovery area

The whole c-section was honestly such a wonderful, smooth experience. My doctor was seriously amazing and even though I’m only 2 weeks postpartum, my scar is barely there and I feel like it’s healed up so much better than it did with Jack. And I thought his was pretty smooth too to be honest so that’s saying a lot!

They took their time putting me back together, which I appreciated, and then they brought me over to the recovery area. I was able to hold Miles for the first time and I just snuggled him so tight and cried and nursed a bit and it was one of the sweetest, happiest times of my whole life. I love this little boy so, so much.

That day I felt fine like 95% of the time but every now and then out of nowhere a huge wave of nausea would come bc of the anesthesia and I would throw up. That was no fun because 1) it would always happen whenever anyone came into the room and was embarrassing and 2) I was so hungry/thirsty but couldn't keep a single thing down. Kody was always by my side that day and took care of Miles too. I've said it many times and I'll say it again- one of the best parts about being a parent is getting to do so with him. Truly my best friend and the love of my life.

I was able to shower the next morning and I forced myself to walk around the halls a lot bc I know how important that is for healing. Miles looked great and my incision also did so they let us leave earlier than normal and we only ended up staying in the hospital for about 48 hrs! I loved being there- the nurses were so kind and everything was great but I also wanted to get home to Jack and start our lives as a fam of 4!

On thursday we headed home and my mom brought Jack and met us there. He was so excited to finally meet his little brother and I can't even describe how sweet that was to see! My mommy heart was absolutely melted.

I love my sons so much and honestly feel like the happiest, luckiest mama in the entire world.

3/12/2021 No sweet note{s}

I haven't posted on this blog in forever and have been missing it! I loved using it as an outlet and way of documenting my life and for the past 6 months I haven't done anything here. It's time to catch up :)

To be honest it has been a rough past year and I have spent a lot of it worried, not wanting to get my hopes up and thus not wanting to write down all of my experiences, feelings, etc.

My miscarriage last spring was one of the worst things I have ever been through and it tore me apart like nothing else in my life ever had. To my surprise, I found myself with a faint positive pregnancy test on Jack's 3rd birthday, only about a month or so after my miscarriage was complete. Normally I would have been absolutely thrilled but after everything I had just experienced, I was completely terrified. For almost 2 months I had been focused on growing a little baby which I lost, and now I was starting right back at the beginning. It was a very tough first trimester. I had a few experiences (including spotting and finding out I had low progesterone once again), where I was convinced I was miscarrying again. I was a MESS and was absolutely depressed, didn't want to get out of bed, was afraid everything I was doing would hurt the baby, etc. I didn't want to tell anyone or buy maternity clothes or anything and it was so hard! I also had way worse morning sickness than I did with Jack and was throwing up every day. It was the longest first trimester EVER and altogether in 2020 I spent over 20 weeks in the first trimester. Not fun.

In California when I first knew I was pregnant

The trip to California where I took a bunch of pregnancy tests and first started thinking I was really pregnant again!

First ultrasound + sweetest little heartbeat

But eventually I hit that 12 week mark and was so, so thrilled about it. We waited a few more weeks and got a few more ultrasounds just to make sure everything was looking okay and then we told our families and everyone (even though I was still completely scared and unsure).

We were also able to go to an elective ultrasound place around 14 weeks and find out that we were having another little boy!!! I was convinced it was a girl bc my symptoms were different and my sickness was so much worse than with Jack but I was wrong! We weren't disappointed though and now it just feels so right and meant-to-be for him to be another boy :) I am SO excited.

The rest of the pregnancy has honestly felt soooooooo long and difficult (morning sickness lasted all the way past 23 weeks, lots of rib pain, etc) but has been wonderful because baby boy has been doing great and we haven't had any actual complications. So even though it has felt like emotional and physical torture at times, I truly can't complain.

I am now sitting between 37 and 38 weeks and have our c-section scheduled for Feb 23 in about a week and a half. 12 days has never felt so long, haha. I just want to meet my baby boy!!!!!!!!

Jack is SO excited to be a big brother. I love this age with him because I think he is actually able to understand!

Other experiences this pregnancy:

-Taking care of an active toddler while pregnant has made me experience a level of exhaustion I never knew existed.

-With my pregnancy with Jack I avoided caffeine and deli meat. I definitely have not done that this time around.

-I would not be alive without tums.

-I am SO EXCITED to see Jack as a big brother. He talks about baby brother every single day and I just love him so freaking much.

-Some women are "all belly" when they're pregnant and I have come to the conclusion that that definitely is not me. The weight gain is EVERYWHERE.

-Cravings:

1st trimester- ice, soda, cold things

2nd trimester- everything

3rd trimester- frosted flakes

-Exercise:

Absolutely nothing this entire pregnancy except cleaning the house and lifting Jack in and out of grocery carts.

-Weight gain

About the same as Jack....45ish lbs and feeling every single pound. I feel enormous.

Anyways, I am excited to start posting here more and I am SO excited for my little family to grow. I love this little baby boy so much already!!! Wish us luck!

3/12/2021 No sweet note{s}

6/14/2020 No sweet note{s}

Writing this post right now at 6 weeks, but it won't be published until later on....

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A couple of months ago Kody and I decided that it was a good time to start thinking about baby #2. We prayed and went to the temple and just felt like it was right to start trying. We decided to wait until after our cruise in Feb and on March 16 I got a positive pregnancy test! It was soooo faint but I felt like it was correct, kept buying and taking more and sure enough that line got nice and dark. I was so excited! Kody was so excited! And Jack also got the idea that there was a baby in mommies tummy.

took SO MANY tests to make sure that line was getting darker

Eventually they got more and more positive :)

Not long after that I noticed some spotting one night and suddenly felt so freaked out. I don't remember any spotting with Jack, so it really, really worried me. The next morning I called the dr and was only able to talk to the nurse who said it wasn't a big deal and there isn't much you could do that early anyways. I said ok, but still felt uneasy. I got a blessing from Kody and tried to relax and not worry about it.

Like typical me though, I took to Google to find out what could be wrong. I know they say not to do that but man being the need-to-know-it-all type of person that I am and the fact that we are at home all day- I just had to. I felt like I should call back and ask for the dr to check my blood and get my HCG levels, they seemed hesitant but let me. Over the next few days I got bloodwork done and the following Monday they called to let me know that those numbers were normal. Still worried and having spotted once again, I asked about progesterone. I had read about it and it stuck out to me. They usually don't test it (or even see you) at that early along unless you had a history of miscarriages or infertility but again hesitantly, the nurse said I could come in and have that tested too if I'd like. So, I did that afternoon.

The next day the nurse called to tell me that my progesterone levels were indeed low. She told me that at that point I should be at around a 10-12 and I was only at a 6 and that the doctor wanted me to start supplements right away. Of course this didn't seem like good news and I drove to CVS right away to pick up the prescription.

I started on it right away and it has been making me pretty tired/dizzy but I am getting the hang of it. I have read that it won't necessarily save a miscarriage that would already be happening, but could possibly prevent one in the future if the issue is low progesterone. I figure it is worth it if it gives my baby even a little bit of a better chance. I am soooooo glad I followed my gut and bugged the nurse to let me get that checked out.

Yesterday (a week after starting the supplements), I got to go to the doctor and get an ultrasound!! I was SO nervous all day before the appointment. My heart was pounding and I was sweating like crazy. I was expecting the worst and wasn't sure what to do. My mind was going in a million, billion places. Because of coronavirus I wasn't allowed to bring anyone with me to the appointment which was also scary. With all of Jack's ultrasound Kody got to be there and that was so helpful.

While I was waiting in the waiting room, a girl who looked my age came out, looked so sad and had clearly been crying. I started tearing up just looking at her. I don't know what she had just been told but I just wanted to run up and hug her and tell her I'm sorry and it will all be okay. This whole thing has given me a totally new perspective on how hard this whole journey is for some women. It isn't always just quick positive pregnancy tests and 8 months of bliss- it can be heartbreaking, scary and devastating too. I wouldn't wish that kind of fear and heartache on my worst enemy.

So, like I said, I was so scared. The 5 minutes I spend waiting in the room felt like an eternity! Finally the dr came in and started the ultrasound. At first I didn't see anything, but after a few seconds, I saw a teeeeeeeeeny little dot at the top of the screen!!! Like, so tiny but so there (my firsy ultrasound with jack wasn't until 10 weeks so I had never seen a baby that small before). I saw a little bit of flashing/fluttering on it and the dr said "there's the heartbeat!" and instantly the tears swelled up. It was still too early to hear it but he said that the fact that we could see it was a good sign. I was guessing I was somewhere around 6 weeks and 4 days and the measurements put me right at 6 weeks. He told me to keep taking things easy (no exercise, etc) for a while and that we will do my regularly scheduled ultrasound at 8 weeks. He was a man of very few words so I wasn't quite sure what to think/how my odds look but the fact that he said "everything looks normal!" make me feel like it is. I feel content knowing I have done everything in my power to get everything checked out and now we just wait, hope, pray, drink water, sleep and see how things go.

first picture of my baby!!!!! it is soooo tiny but you can see hright at the top of that little black circle right there. they didn't actually print a picture out for me so before I left the room I snapped a quick picture of the screen, so it's a little blurry :) still love it!

One of the hardest things about pregnancy (especially the first trimester) is the WAITING! My goodness. It is torture not knowing anything!!

Over the course of the last few weeks I have felt some of the saddest, most scared feelings I have felt in my whole life! I went back and forth on trying to come to terms with things and yet trying to stay positive. This pregnancy has already tugged on my heart strings in so many different ways yet through it all I just can't help but feel grateful that I can experience having this little miracle inside of me. I have prayed countless times and have begged God to just let me keep this baby and for my body to do everything it needs to to help its little body grow and thrive. I have also begged Him to help me carry this kind of burden should things not work out. I have wanted to stay positive but also realistic. It has just been such an emotional roller coaster.

Right now I am just SOOOOOO beyond grateful to have been able to see that little bean and it's little beating heart. Of course we will still have to see how things go but you know what- right now I am just going to let myself be grateful and excited. I already love this baby so, so, so much!! We have been through a lot together already I feel like and it has such a special place in my heart.

This whole thing has made me even more grateful to be pregnant. I don't mind waiting 8 months to meet this baby- I am fine with letting it cook as long as it needs to. Bring on the nausea, stretch marks, weight gain and endless trips to the bathroom- I don't even care about that stuff anymore, I'll gladly take it all :)

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How Far Along: 6 weeks

Baby is the size of: a sweet pea :)

Total weight gain: none

Symptoms: very mild cramping & vivid dreams...that's it so far!

Cravings: none

Struggles: Over-thinking every little cramp, hoping it isn't something bad...trying to remain positive and not worry about things that are out of my control.

Exercising: NONE for a while, doctors orders. I miss it :( It was my way of clearing out my head.

Baby Daddy: Kody has been so supportive with helping me through all of this. He is so excited. I am so grateful I have him. He is truly the ONLY one who understands how I feel about Jack ad how I feel about the baby because they are both equally his and he feels the same way. Marriage is a wonderful thin for so many reasons- and teaming up to create life is one of them.

Discoveries: Learning what progesterone is and why it's important, learning that a 6 week old fetus really does have a beating heart (you GUYS! how unbelievably crazy is that? Just a clump of cells? Uh, ya right).

Looking Forward To: HEARING the heartbeat. 2 weeks. Crossing my fingers and praying that we get to.

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Can't wait to share the rest of this journey here :)