Pregnant!! :) 6 weeks

by - 6/14/2020


Writing this post right now at 6 weeks, but it won't be published until later on....

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A couple of months ago Kody and I decided that it was a good time to start thinking about baby #2. We prayed and went to the temple and just felt like it was right to start trying. We decided to wait until after our cruise in Feb and on March 16 I got a positive pregnancy test! It was soooo faint but I felt like it was correct, kept buying and taking more and sure enough that line got nice and dark. I was so excited! Kody was so excited! And Jack also got the idea that there was a baby in mommies tummy.



took SO MANY tests to make sure that line was getting darker


Eventually they got more and more positive :)

Not long after that I noticed some spotting one night and suddenly felt so freaked out. I don't remember any spotting with Jack, so it really, really worried me. The next morning I called the dr and was only able to talk to the nurse who said it wasn't a big deal and there isn't much you could do that early anyways. I said ok, but still felt uneasy. I got a blessing from Kody and tried to relax and not worry about it.

Like typical me though, I took to Google to find out what could be wrong. I know they say not to do that but man being the need-to-know-it-all type of person that I am and the fact that we are at home all day- I just had to. I felt like I should call back and ask for the dr to check my blood and get my HCG levels, they seemed hesitant but let me. Over the next few days I got bloodwork done and the following Monday they called to let me know that those numbers were normal. Still worried and having spotted once again, I asked about progesterone. I had read about it and it stuck out to me. They usually don't test it (or even see you) at that early along unless you had a history of miscarriages or infertility but again hesitantly, the nurse said I could come in and have that tested too if I'd like. So, I did that afternoon.

The next day the nurse called to tell me that my progesterone levels were indeed low. She told me that at that point I should be at around a 10-12 and I was only at a 6 and that the doctor wanted me to start supplements right away. Of course this didn't seem like good news and I drove to CVS right away to pick up the prescription. 

I started on it right away and it has been making me pretty tired/dizzy but I am getting the hang of it. I have read that it won't necessarily save a miscarriage that would already be happening, but could possibly prevent one in the future if the issue is low progesterone. I figure it is worth it if it gives my baby even a little bit of a better chance. I am soooooo glad I followed my gut and bugged the nurse to let me get that checked out.

Yesterday (a week after starting the supplements), I got to go to the doctor and get an ultrasound!! I was SO nervous all day before the appointment. My heart was pounding and I was sweating like crazy. I was expecting the worst and wasn't sure what to do. My mind was going in a million, billion places. Because of coronavirus I wasn't allowed to bring anyone with me to the appointment which was also scary. With all of Jack's ultrasound Kody got to be there and that was so helpful.

While I was waiting in the waiting room, a girl who looked my age came out, looked so sad and had clearly been crying. I started tearing up just looking at her. I don't know what she had just been told but I just wanted to run up and hug her and tell her I'm sorry and it will all be okay. This whole thing has given me a totally new perspective on how hard this whole journey is for some women. It isn't always just quick positive pregnancy tests and 8 months of bliss- it can be heartbreaking, scary and devastating too. I wouldn't wish that kind of fear and heartache on my worst enemy.

So, like I said, I was so scared. The 5 minutes I spend waiting in the room felt like an eternity! Finally the dr came in and started the ultrasound. At first I didn't see anything, but after a few seconds, I saw a teeeeeeeeeny little dot at the top of the screen!!! Like, so tiny but so there (my firsy ultrasound with jack wasn't until 10 weeks so I had never seen a baby that small before). I saw a little bit of flashing/fluttering on it and the dr said "there's the heartbeat!" and instantly the tears swelled up. It was still too early to hear it but he said that the fact that we could see it was a good sign. I was guessing I was somewhere around 6 weeks and 4 days and the measurements put me right at 6 weeks. He told me to keep taking things easy (no exercise, etc) for a while and that we will do my regularly scheduled ultrasound at 8 weeks. He was a man of very few words so I wasn't quite sure what to think/how my odds look but the fact that he said "everything looks normal!" make me feel like it is. I feel content knowing I have done everything in my power to get everything checked out and now we just wait, hope, pray, drink water, sleep and see how things go. 

first picture of my baby!!!!! it is soooo tiny but you can see hright at the top of that little black circle right there. they didn't actually print a picture out for me so before I left the room I snapped a quick picture of the screen, so it's a little blurry :) still love it! 

One of the hardest things about pregnancy (especially the first trimester) is the WAITING! My goodness. It is torture not knowing anything!!

Over the course of the last few weeks I have felt some of the saddest, most scared feelings I have felt in my whole life! I went back and forth on trying to come to terms with things and yet trying to stay positive. This pregnancy has already tugged on my heart strings in so many different ways yet through it all I just can't help but feel grateful that I can experience having this little miracle inside of me. I have prayed countless times and have begged God to just let me keep this baby and for my body to do everything it needs to to help its little body grow and thrive. I have also begged Him to help me carry this kind of burden should things not work out. I have wanted to stay positive but also realistic. It has just been such an emotional roller coaster.

Right now I am just SOOOOOO beyond grateful to have been able to see that little bean and it's little beating heart. Of course we will still have to see how things go but you know what- right now I am just going to let myself be grateful and excited. I already love this baby so, so, so much!! We have been through a lot together already I feel like and it has such a special place in my heart. 

This whole thing has made me even more grateful to be pregnant. I don't mind waiting 8 months to meet this baby- I am fine with letting it cook as long as it needs to. Bring on the nausea, stretch marks, weight gain and endless trips to the bathroom- I don't even care about that stuff anymore, I'll  gladly take it all :)

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How Far Along: 6 weeks

Baby is the size of: a sweet pea :)

Total weight gain: none

Symptoms: very mild cramping & vivid dreams...that's it so far!

Cravings: none

Struggles: Over-thinking every little cramp, hoping it isn't something bad...trying to remain positive and not worry about things that are out of my control.

Exercising: NONE for a while, doctors orders. I miss it :( It was my way of clearing out my head.

Baby Daddy: Kody has been so supportive with helping me through all of this. He is so excited. I am so grateful I have him. He is truly the ONLY one who understands how I feel about Jack ad how I feel about the baby because they are both equally his and he feels the same way. Marriage is a wonderful thin for so many reasons- and teaming up to create life is one of them.

Discoveries: Learning what progesterone is and why it's important, learning that a 6 week old fetus really does have a beating heart (you GUYS! how unbelievably crazy is that? Just a clump of cells? Uh, ya right). 

Looking Forward To: HEARING the heartbeat. 2 weeks. Crossing my fingers and praying that we get to.

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Can't wait to share the rest of this journey here :)

xo

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